It is common to have grown up in situations where your boundaries were not honored, or were mostly non-existent. Perhaps you were and still are valued for the way you tend to others.
The result might be that you feel over-committed, stretched, or resentful of responsibilities to others. Another possibility is that you developed boundaries that are rigid and cut others off, which can show up in intimate relationships, with friends, with parents, and at work. Often it’s hard to have a sense of what’s best for you.
Having boundaries or limits is critical to forming and maintaining fulfilling relationships. But it can feel uncomfortable to do this if you’re worried that others will find you selfish. It invites potential conflicts or hurt feelings from others, and is therefore easily avoided. But having healthy boundaries enables you to move freely between meaningful engagement with others and tending carefully to your own needs. It means having the ability to check in with yourself at any given moment to decide what is best for you, and how much you are able to give.
This process often involves working through guilt and the impulse to care-take. I can help you define what you need vs. what others need from you in my Pacific Heights office of San Francisco. I can help restore the value in you that’s necessary to be able to hold appropriate boundaries with others.